The Sacrifice Read online

  However, because there was peace amongst the kinglunds didn't mean there was peace everywhere. The Clifflings, who dwelled in the mountains below the Kinglund plateau, were the enemy of all, raiding and stealing everything they required to live. The Badlunds, which existed between the kinglunds, were wild and lawless territory where bandits and troublemakers abounded. Godslund kept an army to keep the peace, and part of that army included riders of airlings.

  I had only seen airlings from a distance, but they fascinated me. Huge flying beastlings with fur-covered bodies, two clawed feet and leather wings, they hatched from eggs in eyries in the mountains and, because they were herbivores, grazed in flocks on the plains of the Badlunds. They were notoriously hard to catch and train, therefore the airling contingent was small and prized.

  So when three airling troopers went against orders to go after their fallen brother the backlash was felt across the Godslund. When they finally returned with their brother, all four had their hair shorn off and were banished. If they had been any but the talented airling trainers they would likely have been put to death instead. But banishment and the loss of their hair was considered by the other soldiers as a far worse punishment than death.

  When Airshin had told me the story with disgust, a cautionary tale of failed manhood in his eyes, my reaction had been the opposite. I had wondered at the loyalty of those men who had not only gone back for their fallen comrade but stood together in the face of condemnation and death to do so.

  But my brother was not one of those unmanly airling troopers. He would never stand beside his twin against his Godling father and his kinglund. As much as it broke my heart to acknowledge it, my brother was made of the same stuff as my mother. He was a dutiful son who never thought for himself.

  "Airsha, come quickly," my brother, my other half, demanded hoarsely, grabbing my elbow and guiding me further into the shadowed alcove where I had been standing. His calloused hand was harsh and his size, a good head taller than mine, dwarfed me. It was as if he was intentionally trying to belittle me by his heavy-handedness. I could have stood up to him, mayhap even beaten him in a fight. He did not know just how much of his training I had observed. How much of the advanced training, that he was yet to start, I had observed and privately mastered.

  But now was not the time. The more he underestimated me, the more chance of escape I had. And above even that was the fact that I wanted our farewell to be as amicable as possible. When he found out what I had done he would hate me, because it would reflect badly on him. Right now he was the son of the Godling's favourite wife, and even though he did not have magic, neither did any of his peers. If I sacrificed myself and the Godling regained favour with the gods he might get his long-denied magic, and at the very least the reflected glory of my willing sacrifice for the good of the Godslund.

  For the first time I started to doubt my decision. How many people would suffer for my selfish choice? Father might lose his kinglund, mother her place in the harem, Airshin the esteem of his peers and, mayhap, the people their lives if war broke out.

  But if I was gone, and Father had to choose another, his next favourite daughter, mayhap he would get what he desired. It would only go against him if he consciously chose a second choice. I would be condemning another sister to my fate, but I was selfish enough not to care. Or not enough to offer myself up in her place.

  I knew who it would be. Aquilla was a year younger and far prettier than me. Where I gained my father's approval by being outgoing and interesting, she gained it by being pretty and idolising him, playing to his male pride. It was never my plan to go into competition with her, or any of my other half-sisters, but somehow our father remained amused by me, favouring me ahead of all the other daughters in the harem.

  So, yes, I knew it was likely that Aquilla would be forced to take my place when I was discovered missing. I would never wish ill on her or anyone, but neither would I sacrifice myself for her.

  I could not get past the fact that all the people I loved most in the world would offer me up for their own needs. They would kill me! If the roles were reversed I would never do such a thing. I would do everything in my power to save any of them from the certainty of death.

  Yet, was I not being a hypocrite by refusing to accept my death? Might not my loved ones die because of me? No, not die. They might suffer the loss of what they craved: power, position, respect, but they would not die.

  If they loved me as much as I loved them they would never allow this thing. No matter the reason, no matter the justification.

  We came to an abrupt halt at the far end of the alcove, Airshin jerking me to a standstill.

  "You should not have come. Every time you do so you put us both at risk," he whispered harshly, shaking me a little.

  I tried to pull away from his punishing hand but, without utilizing the advanced skills I had practised, I could not do it. So I stilled and allowed him to bruise me.

  "At risk of death, do you mean? Oh, no, that would be my fate already, would it not?" I snarled up at him, angry despite my desire to part ways on good terms. How had it come to this? He had been my other half. We had been like one soul in two bodies when we were childlings. Now… Now we were almost strangers.

  "Do not be sarcastic, sister. It demeans you."

  I bit back another retort and calmed my emotions. I could feel the wind stirring inside me. If I released it, Airshin would know my secret.

  But what did it matter now? I was already slated for death. What would they do, castrate me first, before they pierced my chest with a sacred dagger?

  That was not entirely impossible. And mayhap if my secret was revealed it would point to the reason my father had lost the favour of the gods. Could being castrated free me from death? No, I would not allow it! I may not know sexual pleasure from my nub of delight, but I would not give up my power for anything. It was the only thing that was truly mine. It was all that I was. If I lost it I may as well be dead.

  It was a little thing, right now. Just a seed I had kept in the dark. I had never touched my nub, and felt its pleasure, because I was determined to keep my power small. But one day I would unleash it. One day I would come into my full power.

  I just had to live long enough for that day to come.

  "Airshin, I do not want to fight with you. I will go to my death at the summer solstice. This will be the last time we will ever see each other." I was almost pleading for his love at the end of my whispered speech.

  What did I expect? That he would hug me and promise to save me? Or tell me how much he loved and missed our past closeness? How much he would miss me when I was gone?

  I received none of that. But his grip did loosen a little, though he remained impatient.

  "We will meet again in the heavens. Our stars will sit together in the sky. You will be easy enough to find, sitting at the right hand of one of the gods. Would that it was me who could take your place."

  "You would choose to die in my place, if you could?" I asked in surprise.

  "Sister, you have always been the favourite. Of Mother, of Father, and now of the gods themselves. It is you they want. No other daughter was special enough for them. Yes, I will admit that I wish I had received all the blessings you have had heaped on you. Even this last one. But I cannot. This, like all others, is for you alone. Father's favourite child, the kinglund's ultimate sacrifice: You!"

  I think my eyes must have been as round as saucers by then because they grew sore from straining. Where had all this venom come from? I wasn't Father's favourite child, I was his favourite daughter. Many of his sons came ahead of me in his esteem. I was just the one closest at hand, the one he was allowed to spoil and cosset.

  But Airshin wasn't one of Father's favoured sons. His early shyness and weakness had lowered him in Father's eyes. I had seen it happen. Where I had never been shy or cried in front of adults, no matter how afraid I was on the inside, Airshin had been the opposite. If we could truly have changed into each other we would bot
h have been better off. I was far more suited to fit into the male role, he the female. But the gods, if they exist, had shown their innate cruelty by putting the wrong half of the soul into the wrong body.

  "I would give anything not to be the favourite," I whispered that truth so only my brother could hear it.

  Airshin let go of me suddenly. "Aye, well, neither of us gets what we want, do we? I suppose I should wish you farewell." His disgruntled words held no affection.

  "Farewell, brother mine. I am sorry for your pain. I have only ever tried to save you from it. But I cannot do that anymore, I know that now. So I am sorry. But know that I love you. I will always love you. My other half." Before he could stop me I leaned up and pecked a kiss onto his still-smooth cheek.

  He jerked away as if I'd burned him. But his eyes were glassy as he looked down at me.

  "At least I will not have to fear discovery anymore. You have given me many sleepless nights worrying about how your wayward antics would come down on me. Now I will be able to sleep. So farewell, little Airsha. I will not tell you to be brave, as you can be nothing else. You never could. Your sacrifice will be rewarded. Go with the gods."

  Again he left me speechless. He had been worried all these years that we would be discovered, meeting as we had been doing? Why hadn't he told me?

  But, wait, mayhap he had. Mayhap I had brushed his fears aside, as I had always brushed my own aside. I had been so sure we had to stay together that I had never considered he might not feel the same way. Was this why he had pulled away from me slowly over the years? Had he only kept up the connection because of the power I always had over him? I was the leader. I was the one to decide the games and small rebellions. He had just gone along.

  And worried.

  In that moment I hated myself and my blithe assumptions about our bond. My brother had been forced to go against his nature because of me, and he had suffered for it.

  I was suddenly doubly sorry for what he would suffer when I escaped. He thought things would get better for him from now on. He could not be more wrong.

  Call me selfish, but I was not willing to give up my life in the hope that the gods would favour my father again. If I believed in them, if I believed my death would achieve anything, I might consider it. But my death would be as useless as my sisters' had been.

  "I hope you get more sleep now. You will never have to see me standing in the shadows waiting for you again. I wish I had known how you felt. I would never have forced my company on you had I known."

  Airshin shrugged his narrow shoulders.

  He had shot up in the last few suncycles but had yet to fill out to fit his new height. Most people would call him gangly, and he was certainly uncoordinated because of it. Father should have let him join the priesthood so he could be a cleric. He had always been better with learning than people… or fighting.

  Without another word, Airshin turned and strode away, leaving me shattered, the wall I had leaned against the only thing that kept me on my feet. So many surprises, so many secrets revealed. All of them reflecting badly on me. I had to wonder how often Airshin had wished he was not a twin. How often had he wished he had no overwhelming sister, who forced him into things he did not want to do? Had never wanted to do, mayhap.

  When I finally gained control of myself, and I could trust my legs again, I shambled off to my bolthole, my place of safety. Even though it would not be safe for very much longer. My world was falling down around my ears and it would have been so easy to give in, in that moment. I was a terrible sister and mayhap I deserved my fate. Mayhap, if I gave in, my brother would have his chance to shine. Mayhap the gods would favour my father once more…

  Chapter Three

  For almost a day I wallowed in self-loathing. In the end, though, my innate selfishness and desire to survive won out. And I went back to my plans.

  Each day I went to the stables instead of the training arena. Instead of watching the fighters I watched the coming and goings of the wagons, which delivered goods to the palace and surrounds. Godslund grew cereal crops and vegetables on their fertile rolling hills and traded them for marine life from the sealunds and crafted goods from Highlund. Huge wagons pulled by equally huge beastlings traversed the network of roads between the kinglunds.

  If I was to have any chance of escape it was in one of those wagons. But I had to pick the right time and the right wagon. The larger the wagon, the more chance of hiding undiscovered. But the big wagons were much slower moving, and would be the first to be ridden after and checked when my disappearance was discovered.

  I wanted to take a wagon to the closest sealund, which was directly south of Godslund. The sooner I reached a big town outside my kinglund the easier it would be to blend in and make a new life for myself. I might even steal a small ship and use my air power to journey over the seas.

  People said that there was nothing on the other side of the sea. That the world was flat and the water simply fell off the edges. If you sailed too far you too would fall right off the edge. Many tales of sailors doing just that were food for gossip in the harem.

  But I was not so sure. I knew from gossip that our palace sat on the edge of a huge lake. If I stood on one side of it and looked across, I might think there was nothing on the other side. I might think the lake's water just poured off the end. But experience had taught those who dwelled around our lake that there was land on the other side they could not see. Why should it not be so, on a larger scale, beyond the seas?

  Taking to the seas was a last resort, though. I had never seen a large body of water, not even the lake the palace sat upon. Mother told us of storms she had witnessed as a girl back in her sealund that had waves as tall as the palace and wind so fierce it blew down houses. Even the magical sons had not been able to calm those storms. I had no desire to face such a thing.

  But I would if I had to. I would do almost anything to survive, if I had to.

  After watching and studying the wagons for a few days I noticed a pattern. They could arrive at different times during the day but the last ones left no later than three hours before sunset. I assume because they could get those hours in before it grew too dark to proceed. If they came in too late they would pack their goods in the evening, stay for the night in the hostelries in the palace township, and leave at first light.

  It was my plan to secrete myself in one of these overnight wagons, where I could stay hidden at least until the following night when we would be well away from the palace. All I had to do was make sure no one found out I was missing that day. I would then have at least a day's heads start on anyone who was sent to find me.

  I slowly packed a small satchel with food and water. Into the hem of the boy's tunic I planned to wear I sewed a few of my precious gems my father had given me over the years. I could sell them to give me a new start wherever I settled. They were small, portable and easily exchanged for coin. Or so I hoped. I had no knowledge of buying and selling. Everything I had, everything I ate and drank, came to me without thought.

  I started retreating into my rooms, telling Mother, and anyone else who was near enough to listen, that I wanted to be left alone. I came out for food at irregular intervals and took it back with me. Mother did not like what she considered my funk, but she seemed to understand it.

  When the solstice was only a quarter mooncycle away I had my chance. A medium-sized wagon arrived close to sunset. The men unloaded what smelled like fish and reloaded with grain sacks and barrels, until the wagon was piled high. A tanned-hide covering was then roped over the whole collection. No one in the palace yard would disturb the shipment overnight, so it was left to stand where it was while the beastlings were housed in the stable.

  There were guards, of course. The palace had a surfeit of trained men, so many were given tasks like guarding the palace and township beyond. But there was little crime and almost no unrest in the area. The guards were usually bored to distraction, I had discovered, and often sat together in groups to gamble and tel
l tall tales, usually of a sexual nature. All this I learned during my increasing absences from the harem.

  I returned to my rooms and then made noise enough to attract my mother's attention. She needed to know I was still here.

  "You are spending a great deal of time locked away, dear heart. I know this is breaking your heart, as it is mine. Yet, could we not spend our last days together?" she pleaded, as I exited my quarters, heading for the food in the communal area of the harem. An array of tasty delights were always available on the long table against the wall, kept either warm or chilled, depending on their nature, by magical Highlunder creations.

  I paused at the sound of her voice and went to her side, kissing her cheek. I felt my heart tearing from my chest, leaving only bloody pulp behind to keep me alive.

  I should give her what she needed. I should wait a few more days and spend time with her.

  But if I did that I would spoil the pattern of behaviour I had established. When I went missing it would be too noticeable if I suddenly stopped coming out of my room. And the closer to the solstice I waited the less chance I had of finding a suitable wagon. This one was the perfect size and, having unloaded fish, meant it was likely to return to a sealund.

  "Mother, I understand your need and your worries for me. Nor do I blame you for wanting me to do my duty. And I will. I am sorry if my way of handling this situation is not what you want, but it is all I can do right now. I must prepare myself for what is to come in my own way, and to do that I must be alone. When I have done that, when I am ready, I will come to you and we will spend the remainder of my time together," I lied, hating myself for every word that came out of my mouth.

  "Will you not see your father? He is grieving for you and for what he must do. Can you not give him some... peace? If there was any other way, any other, he and I would do it in an instant. But the gods have been very clear. It must be you."