Asterius Read online

  “Are you already imagining yourself as a father?” Accalia teased gently.

  Now that made sense. He was not speaking from personal experience but from his imagination. How he would be with a daughter. Talos was always the protector. If anyone would make a good father, it was him.

  He blushed and shrugged. “I know that if I had a daughter like you I’d walk on nails to make her happy and keep her safe.”

  Accalia leaned over and brushed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I hope you get to have children one day. You will be so good at fatherhood.”

  “He’ll do a good job making babes, that’s for sure,” I said without thinking.

  I had been so long away from feminine ears that I had forgotten how to behave around them. But then, Accalia had never needed us to censor our words. Her role as physician’s assistant meant there wasn’t much she didn’t know about the crudities of life.

  I didn’t expect it, but Accalia blushed and looked away. My pack-mates glared at me.

  “I am sure he will be very potent when the time comes,” she finally got out.

  “That’s not...”

  “Shut up, Asterius. We don’t talk about that with her,” Talos barked at me in annoyance. And embarrassment, if his blush was anything to go by.

  This had her attention. She looked from one to the other of us as we shifted uncomfortably in our places. I know I desperately needed to reposition my growing cock, but I couldn’t do so without attracting her notice.

  “What did you mean then?” she demanded, all virginal innocence evaporating as she discovered something she wanted to explore.

  Talos groaned and covered his face with his hands. I couldn’t help grinning like an idiot.

  “Talos is well endowed,” Orion answered for me, putting it as nicely as he could.

  Accalia blushed and a little smile played at the edges of her mouth. “He is certainly well made. Any girl would appreciate his size and muscles.”

  Talos groaned again, as he realised she had misunderstood. I grinned even wider.

  I sat on the opposite side of the fire from Accalia, so I couldn’t reach her physically, but I could get her attention by flirting. I was very good at it, or so I’d been told.

  “It is not that endowment Orion meant. Many a man can have a big body but a small cock,” I said, waiting to see her blush. I loved watching the colour rise and the fluster that followed.

  Her mouth formed a silent ‘O’ and the red stain rushed up her neck to her cheeks. “Oh, I see. I must admit that male genitals are not all that familiar to me. Ariaratus refuses to let me help with male conditions.”

  “Probably a good thing, given who you are. One day you’ll find out all you need to know about... men,” Orion croaked out, scowling at me.

  “Are you... I mean... I have heard that whores visit the senior barracks as well as the tutor’s wing...” Accalia looked skyward as if having this conversation was the last one she had ever wanted to have, and yet she needed to know.

  “Do we have normal male appetites? Is that what you’re asking?” I wriggled my eyebrows in exaggerated lechery.

  She scowled at me, and I could tell that if she’d been close enough she would’ve punched me in the arm. Not that her little hand could have done me any damage. But even a punch from her would be better than a kiss from someone else.

  “Yes, I suppose that is exactly what I am asking. You are all men now. Eighteen, or nearly eighteen. Do you have... urges?” she said more confidently this time, not backing down from me now she knew I was intentionally trying to embarrass her.

  I laughed, ignoring the continued scowls of my pack-mates. They didn’t appreciate where I was taking this conversation.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know, little she-wolf. You’re a woman now. Do you have urges?” I mimicked her own words.

  This made her blush even brighter. “Women do not have urges,” she threw back at me.

  I laughed at her. “That’s not what I’ve heard. I’ve been told by more than one woman just how powerful their urges are. And that most men do not satisfy those urges for them.” I implied with my tone that I wasn’t most men.

  Her mouth dropped open, her eyes alight with curiosity, even in her embarrassment. “How? What urges?”

  Sliding to my feet in one smooth movement, I prowled over to the other side of the fire and sat down behind her.

  My pack-mates were on tenterhooks, wondering what I was about. I could tell they wanted to protect Accalia from me, and yet they wanted to know more about her urges. She was a mystery to us. Was she like the whores? Not in that she sold herself for money, but in having strong sexual needs like they did.

  I leaned in, so my breath caressed her neck as I spoke. My voice was low and hypnotic. My arousal made me take risks I shouldn’t have.

  “What are you feeling when I do this?” I said.

  She looked from one to the other of my pack-mates, looking for help. They gave her none. All eyes were on us. We all needed to know the answer to the question that had haunted us since we first asked the whores these questions.

  “Answer me, Accalia. Can you be brave enough to answer me?” I growled out, letting all of my charm fill the words.

  “Wh... What? What did you say?” she mumbled nervously.

  I breathed her sweet scent in—so different from the whores’—before repeating myself. “What are you feeling when I get this close and breathe my breath onto your neck. Or when I do this.” I placed an open-mouthed kiss on her shoulder before breathing on the wetness I left behind.

  She shivered in response. I had my answer. Our little she-wolf was very responsive. She had urges just like us.

  “You shouldn’t be doing this, Asterius. You know who I am... what I am...” she answered, almost pleading for reprieve.

  I kissed her shoulder again, luxuriating in the taste of her skin. The softness of it. “I know who you are. A woman. Do you have urges like other women, little she-wolf?”

  Accalia shivered again and pressed back against me, even though I doubt she knew she did it. I glanced at Typhon and could see protectiveness warring with arousal in his eyes. He was torn between stopping me and wanting to see how our girl responded.

  “I don’t know,” she wailed out, her distress apparent now.

  Immediately, I backed off. I never wanted to hurt her. Not even like this.

  I scrambled back to my feet and returned to my side of the fire, ashamed of myself. My erection even flagged.

  She looked at me across the fire with such longing that it hit me as a punch to the chest. “I... I cannot be like other women you know. I have to be a dutiful noblewoman. That is who I am!”

  Typhon reached out to tuck a curl of her short, dark hair behind her ear. “We know. We’re sorry if we made you feel bad. It’s just that we’re curious about you. Aren’t you curious about us?”

  “Yes,” she admitted. “But I do not want to hear about the women you take to your beds. It makes me feel...”

  Though we all waited to hear more, she didn’t finish. And I was done prying information out of her. I’d hurt her, and I wouldn’t do it again.

  “What? Jealous? Do you hate the idea of us being with other women?” Orion demanded, more passionately than I would have expected from him.

  She threw him a furious glare. “Jealous? Why would I be jealous? You don’t belong to me. I have no claim on any of you. I just do not want to hear about your conquests. It is unseemly.”

  “You have a claim and you know it,” Typhon growled. “I told you as much when I was thirteen, and nothing has changed since then!”

  She gave his shoulder a push. “Don’t say that! You told Accalia you loved her, but I am not Accalia. I am Ennia! I cannot love and be loved by slaves. It is wrong.”

  “Some masters fuck their slaves. I’ve heard the gossip,” I said, biting my tongue as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

  Her mouth fell open and then closed with a pop. “I do hope you are not sug
gesting my pater does such a thing.”

  “He’s a man, Accalia. Of course he’ll have made use of available women after he lost your mother. Do you deny him the right to meet his needs? Do you deny us the right?” Typhon snapped, his temper surfacing fast.

  Accalia jumped to her feet, tears filling her storm-cloud eyes. “How dare you! You have no right to say such things to me!”

  And with that she ran into the darkness, leaving us all in a state of shock behind her.

  Chapter Three

  ACCALIA

  It was the worst day in my life. Pater had gone with barely a parting kiss. Then, when I went to my pack to be consoled, they turn on me and said awful things. Lies! They had to be lying. Pater would never use a slave in that way. He had sent men away for forcing kisses on kitchen slaves. He did not believe a man should use his power against someone weaker.

  No, I would not believe it.

  My body still thrummed with whatever it was Asterius had done to me. When he had prowled around the fire, all male beauty and power, I had felt like one of their rabbits caught in a snare. I could no more escape him as bring Pater back to me.

  When he pressed in behind me—the heat of his body on the cold night a blissful furnace I wanted to draw closer to—I did not know what to do. When I looked at the others for help, all I saw was the kind of heat Asterius was generating in me.

  And his questions. Gods, I did not even know what he wanted from me. They seemed dangerous. As if by answering them I would change everything. As if my answers would let a dam break and overwhelm us all.

  He wanted to know if I had a woman’s urges. I did not quite know what that meant. Did I melt at his closeness? Did the place between my legs feel damp and achy? Did my inside squirm in a totally unfamiliar way? Yes, to all of them. But I could not say so. Because I was not just any woman. I could not be just any woman. I was a patrician. I was meant for better things than these rough men.

  A part of me argued that there were none better than my Wolf Pack. That they were not just Pater’s best, they were the best of men. It did not matter that they were only slaves. It did not matter that they were of the lowest possible rung of the social ladder. Gladiators were no better than whores and actors. That was how other people measured value. I measured it in a very different way.

  Yet, I could not do a thing about it. Even if I gave in to the urges Asterius asked about, what would that mean in the long run? They would be going away soon. I would be married soon. We could never be more than what we were to each other now. We were already too much to each other. It had been foolish to let it go on as long as it had. I knew better, even if they did not. It was my fault if they now wanted something I could not give them.

  And, even if I did give in for this short time left to us, who would I choose? Typhon and I had the closest bond, but I also felt close to the others. I was attracted to all of them in different ways. But I could not have all of them, any more than I could have just one.

  “Accalia!”

  I heard the name I thought of as my own and looked back over my shoulder. I’d run off, not paying attention to where I was going. Now I realised I had headed off in the wrong direction. But someone had followed me.

  Asterius. Gods, of all of them, why did it have to be Asterius? He was the charmer, the handsome man who knew his power over women and used it to get his way. How many women had fallen for his easy smile and twinkling eyes, I did not want to guess. But I would not be one of them. I was determined I would not be one of them.

  Yet I slowed to a standstill without even realising I had done it. And when he broke from the shadows— as silent as a wolf, to stand beside me—I could do nothing but let him have his way. Whatever that might be.

  “You went the wrong way. This is not the way back to the villa,” he said softly, his burning gaze pinning me in place.

  I let out a little sob and nodded. “I... was not thinking. Go away, Asterius. I am angry with you right now. With all of you!”

  But he did not go. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close, so my head rested on his chest. He was so tall. The top of my head did not even reach his shoulder.

  For a moment I rested there, feeling as fragile as a bird captured in a man’s hands. But it was not physical fragility I felt. It was emotional. I felt raw and bloody, like an open wound. If he said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, it would hurt more than anything ever had. I knew it with every particle of my being.

  “I’m sorry. I was being a prick. It’s just been so long since we’ve seen you, and I wanted you to pay attention to me. I liked watching you blush. The last thing I meant to do was hurt you. Or shame you.”

  This was the last thing I expected to hear from this man. He was the playful, easy-going one. Nothing ever worried him. Yes, I could see him teasing me to make me blush. But I could not imagine him realising he had hurt me and feeling sorry for it.

  “It was just the wrong time. I was feeling so unhappy about Pater being gone. And that he left me with that woman. All I could think of was being with you. All of you. My pack. But instead of making me feel better, you made me feel... uncomfortable.”

  He kissed the top of my head and tightened his great, meaty arms around me. They were as hard as rock, but hot... so very hot. For the first time this night I felt truly warm and comfortable, even as I spoke about being uncomfortable.

  “You have to know that all we think about is sex. All of us, all the time. That’s why your father lets the whores come in, and why we get a small stipend to use on them. Because he knows what we’re like.”

  He was making it worse. I didn’t want to know he was thinking about other women and wanting them in that way. How many did he share his beautiful body with and how often? And the others. Did they do it, too? Of course, they did. Even Typhon, though he claimed he loved me.

  “I’m not telling you this to hurt you, little she-wolf. I’m telling you this, so you can understand. We’re driven to fight and fuck. That’s us. That’s what your father bred us to do. And we do both as often as we can. But we fuck only when you aren’t with us. When you’re in our life we don’t want anyone else. We love you. No, we adore you! If we could... If I could have you I’d do anything to make it happen. But I can’t have you. You don’t have to remind me of that. I remind myself of it every single, fucking day!” He stopped to draw in deep, ragged breaths and his hands slid from side to side across my back, as if he was trying make himself let me go but was unable to do it.

  When he went on I could hear the pain in his deep, gravelly voice. And it hurt me. “But my frustration has to come out somewhere. So, I asked you questions I’ve always wanted to know the answers to. And I pushed you to answer them. And because the others are just as driven and just as frustrated as I am they let me do it, though they didn’t want to let me hurt you.

  “Right now, I need a woman so bad I can’t see straight. Any woman will do because I can’t have you. Holding you like this is the worst kind of torture. Because I want you, but I know I can’t have you. Do you understand?”

  Tears were coursing down my cheeks, I knew they were. I could feel the cold trails they made. Why did life have to be so hard? It was so unfair that I should have such love offered to me and not be able to accept it.

  “Do you understand, little she-wolf?” he asked again.

  I nodded against his chest, enjoying the feel of his rough tunic against my cheek.

  “Just so you know, I love all of you, too. I know I should not. But I do. And I have urges. But not just any man could meet them. Only the four of you could. So, I too am tortured by what we have created. I would walk away if I thought it would make the pain lessen. But I tried that once and could not do it. It is so much worse now. Because I have known you all for so long. And what I feel for you is no longer the affection of a child. It is the love of a woman.”

  I paused to draw in more breaths. To try to clear my head of the chaos in it. But all I felt was the heat of A
sterius’ arms and the bitter sweet knowledge that this handsome god of a man loved me.

  “But you will go away in a month or so. When you come back you will not stay. You will go off to Rome to find your glory in the arena. And I want that for you. You have all worked so hard for your chance to fight. You deserve your chance to shine.

  “And maybe while you are gone Camellia will find me a husband, and I will go away too. If you are not here I do not think I will mind so much having to leave. So... we just have to make it through this short time. And then life will take us in different directions. And one day we will remember our childhood loves and smile, realising how foolish we were to let ourselves feel what we feel now.”

  My voice had become so sad I knew the tears had to be flowing, but I could no longer feel them, and my eyes were clamped so tightly shut I could not see them blurring the darkness.

  “Don’t...” Asterius pleaded, his voice croaky. “Don’t.”

  I drew away from him, biting at my bottom lip to stop me pressing my lips to his. Because I could not do such a thing, no matter how much he tempted me.

  “I have to go home. You eat what is in the bag. Do not let it go to waste.”

  His fingers threaded in my hair and he dragged my head back. Before I realised what he was doing, his mouth closed over mine just as I had wanted it to do. And for a moment I gave in to the feelings that ran like wildfire through me.

  This was nothing like the sticky kisses I had shared with Typhon when we were children. This was the kiss of a man for a woman, I knew that much.

  But it was too overwhelming. I had to escape it. I pushed at his shoulders until he let me go.

  He panted like a beast, his eyes wild with need as they levelled on mine.

  “You should not have done that!” I said furiously, through my tears.

  “Why? We both wanted it. Don’t say you didn’t,” he growled back.